Can Marriage Withstand the Storm?

“What God has yoked together let no man put apart.”​—MATTHEW 19:6.

HOMES that looked sturdy were swept off their foundations, their structures ripped to shreds. As monster storms hit large areas around the globe recently, the quality and durability of countless buildings were put to the ultimate test.

A storm of another nature, however, is wreaking havoc on the foundation and structure of the age-old institution of marriage. “For better or worse, marriage has been displaced from its pivotal position in personal and social life,” states family historian Stephanie Coontz.

Can you see the effects of such a trend? Do you feel that marriage is losing its honored place in society? If so, why is this happening? And what hope does anyone have of securing or maintaining a happy marriage? First, though, what is putting marriage in danger?

Marriage Under Attack

The attacks on marriage are not new; they go back to the beginning of human history. Qualities and attitudes that developed in our first human parents have led to the marriage crisis we experience today. Adam and Eve sinned when they gave in to selfish cravings, and thus “sin entered into the world.” (Romans 5:12) The historical record of the Bible states that soon after this, “every inclination of the thoughts of [man’s] heart was only bad all the time.”​—Genesis 6:5.

Not much has changed since then. Among the corrosive inclinations that plague marriage is the uninhibited pursuit of selfish gratification. Marriage itself might seem an outdated institution, no longer viable in a modern world under the spell of a new morality. And the relaxing of laws that regulate the breakup of a marriage has removed most of the stigma once attached to divorce.

Impatient individuals, who seek quick results and instant gratification, give little or no thought to the consequences of divorce. Lured by seductive promises of freedom and independence, they believe that divorce will lead to happiness.

Others when faced with thornlike problems in their relationship turn to therapists and marriage counselors or to books written by such authorities. Sadly, some modern marriage “experts” have proved more adept at promoting divorce than at defending marriage. “For perhaps the first time in human history,” states the book The Case for Marriage, “marriage as an ideal is under a sustained and surprisingly successful attack. Sometimes the attack is direct and ideological, made by ‘experts’ who believe a lifelong vow of fidelity is unrealistic or oppressive.”

 Altered Perceptions

Perceptions about the nature and purpose of marriage have also changed. You have probably observed a shift in emphasis from loyal and supportive marriage partners to spouses who primarily expect personal fulfillment​—often at the expense of their mate. The transition to this self-centered view of marriage “began in the 1960s and accelerated in the 1970s,” states the Journal of Marriage and Family. Traditional reasons for marriage​—such as the desire for love, intimacy, fidelity, children, and mutual fulfillment—​have weakened.

Several other recent developments have accelerated the transformation of marriage in many lands. First, the traditional roles of the male breadwinner and the female homemaker have changed in many countries. With the entry of women into the paid workplace, there has been a notable rise in the number of dual-career households. Second, childbearing outside marriage is increasingly accepted, leading to more single-parent families. Third, cohabitation as a replacement for marriage is growing. (See the box “Less Stable Than Marriages.”) Fourth, same-sex unions and the movement to legalize them have gained wide approval. Have these modern trends influenced your view of matrimony?

Surging Divorce Rates

Let us look at several countries to see how the popularity of divorce has led to the further erosion of marriage. In the United States, according to a recent report, “the number of divorced couples quadrupled between 1970 and 1996.” Roughly, 1 in 5 adults has been lashed by the destructive winds of divorce. Who are the most vulnerable to marriage failure? Statistics  show that about 60 percent of all divorces occur within the first ten years.

In other countries too, divorce rates have soared. The total number of divorces in England and Wales reached 153,490 in 2004. Australians can expect about 40 percent of their marriages to end in divorce. The Republic of Korea saw an increase of 21,800 divorces in just one year​—from 2002 to 2003—​a total of 167,100 couples divorced. Japan, where 1 in every 4 marriages ends in divorce, is now approaching Europe’s divorce rate. “Once upon a time it was only the very worst marriages that would end in divorce,” observed an expert in family studies at the Japan Red Cross University. “Now it has become a simple lifestyle issue.”

In many countries long-standing religious institutions and social traditions contributed to marriage stability. However, they can no longer stop the rising tide of social acceptance of divorce. For instance, consider the Roman Catholic Church, where marriage is regarded as something sacred. In 1983 the church relaxed its rules concerning marriage bonds and made it easier for Catholics to end a marriage. Hence, annulments have increased since then.

Obviously, the threads that bind marriage are unraveling. But not all the reasons are obvious. In fact, besides the general breakdown in society, there is  another major cause of the increase in failed marriages​—one that is hidden from the view of the majority of mankind.

A Hidden Cause of the Storm

The Bible tells us that Satan the Devil, the epitome of selfishness, has an unseen, increasingly pernicious influence over the world. Why is that so? Because he has been cast down from heaven to the vicinity of the earth and is very angry. Indeed, he is bent on causing as much “woe,” or trouble, as possible, and the divine institution of marriage is just one object of Satan’s malicious anger.​—Revelation 12:9, 12.

Referring to the time after Satan’s eviction, Jesus said: “Because of the increasing of lawlessness the love of the greater number will cool off.” (Matthew 24:12) In a similar vein, the apostle Paul wrote: “[People] will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural [or, familial] affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:2-4) These repugnant characteristics have always existed to some extent, but they have become much more pronounced in recent times, as most people readily acknowledge.

In view of the storm battering the institution of marriage, what can we do to shield ourselves and to enjoy a truly happy and lasting marriage? The next article will examine this question.

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“In a society which is used to disposability, people are likely to have that same attitude towards relationships.”​—SANDRA DAVIS, FAMILY LAW EXPERT

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“Less Stable Than Marriages”

Many couples of the opposite sex live together without the commitment of marriage. Such unions, however, are even “less stable than marriages,” notes a report by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Some of these couples cohabit in order to assess their compatibility prior to marriage. Does such an arrangement eliminate poor matches and improve subsequent marriages? According to the Journal of Marriage and Family, the evidence indicates otherwise. “Among married individuals, premarital cohabitation is related to lower marital satisfaction . . . , more reports of marital problems, and . . . a higher risk of marital dissolution,” says the Journal.

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Longevity and Marriage

People today live longer. Even this otherwise positive development has added stress to marriage. Today, divorce ends many marriages that death would have ended in times past. Consider an odd marriage ailment that is afflicting longtime married women in Japan. According to The Washington Post, experts label it “RHS,” or “retired husband syndrome.” Recalling her husband’s retirement, one wife, who had been married for 40 years, said that at the time she thought: “I am going to have to divorce him now. It was bad enough that I had to wait on him when he came home from work. But having him around the house all the time was more than I could possibly bear.”