Xa uxabana nomntu otshate naye umlanda ngezakudala, uvusa iingxabano enanikhe nanazo nenimele ukuba sele nazilungisa. Yintoni ingxaki? Omnye wenu okanye nobabini kusenokwenzeka ukuba akakwazi ukuxolela.

Unako ukufunda ukuxolela. Okokuqala, makhe sibone ukuba yintoni enokwenza kube nzima ngomyeni nenkosikazi ukuba baxolelane.

Igunya. Amanye amadoda nabafazi abaxoleli kuba befuna ukuba negunya phezu kwalowo batshate naye. Xa kuvela ingxabano ke ngoku, basebenzisa inqala ukuze bazive bebakhulu kunabantu abatshate nabo.

Ingqumbo. Amanxeba ashiywe ziingxabano zexesha elidlulileyo asenokuthatha ixesha elide ukuba aphole. Iqabane lakho lisenokuthi ‘ndikuxolele,’ kodwa libe ngaphakathi lisafutha ingqumbo.

Ukuphoxeka. Abanye abantu bangena emtshatweni becinga ukuba baza kusoloko betyibilik’ ebhotolweni. Baye bamangale xa kuvela ingxabano, bangafuni ukutshintsha imvo yabo kuba bengayilindelanga into yokuba umntu abamthandayo angazibona ngenye indlela izinto. Umntu otshate ecing’ ukuba kuya kusoloko kumnandi, unokusoloko egxeka aze angakhawulezi axolele.

Ukungavisisani. Uninzi lwabantu abatshatileyo luye lungaxolelani kuba lungazi ukuba kuza kwenzeka ntoni emva koko. Ngokomzekelo:

Ukuba ndiyamxolela, ndakube ndiyenza ibonakale ingenamsebenzi le ngxaki.

Ukuba ndiyamxolela, kuza kufuneka ndilibale yonke into eyenzekileyo.

Ukuba ndiyamxolela, uza kuqhela.

Inyaniso kukuba, ukuxolela akuthethi kuthi kuza kwenzeka ezi zinto zingasentla. Nangona kunjalo, kusenokungabi  lula ukuxolela—ingakumbi kubantu abasondelelene njengendoda nomfazi.

Yazi ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuxolela. EBhayibhileni, igama elithi “ukuxolela” likwathetha “ukuyiyeka into idlule.” Lilonke, ukuxolela akusoloko kuthetha ukuba uza kuyilibala loo nto yenzekileyo okanye uza kuyenza ibonakale ingenamsebenzi. Ngamaxesha athile kuthetha ukuba uyiyeka nje idlule, kuba ufuna ukonwaba nokugcina uxolo emtshatweni.

Cinga ngemiphumo yokungaxoleli. Ezinye iingcali zithi, ukuba nengqumbo kungabeka impilo-ntle yakho emngciphekweni, ibe oko kunokubangela uxinezeleko, nehigh blood—asisathethi ngendlela okunokuwonakalisa ngayo umtshato wakho. Kungenxa yoko iBhayibhile isithi: “Yibani nobubele omnye komnye, nibe nemfesane, nixolelane ngesisa.”—Efese 4:32.

Cinga ngemiphumo yokuxolela. Ukuxolela kukunceda ulithembe iqabane lakho ukuba alenzi nto ngeenjongo ezimbi kunokuba ubambelele kuloo mpazamo liyenzileyo. Loo nto ininceda ningabi nanzondo nize nihlale nithandana.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Kolose 3:13.

Nyaniseka kwisiqu sakho. Kulula ukuxolela xa ubuqonda ubuthathaka beqabane lakho. Incwadi ethi Fighting for Your Marriage ithi, “Xa usoloko ucinga ngezinto ozifunayo ongade uzifumane, kulula ukulibala nezo uzifumanayo. Ziziphi izinto ofuna ukucinga ngazo wena?” Khumbula, akukho mntu ufezekileyo—nkqu nawe lo.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Yakobi 3:2.

Yiba nengqiqo. Xa ucatshukiswe yinto ethethwe okanye eyenziwe ngumntu otshate naye, zibuze: ‘Ngaba ibalulekile le nto? Ngaba kufuneka ade acele uxolo okanye ndinokuyiyeka nje idlule?’—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: 1 Petros 4:8.

Ukuba kuyimfuneko, thethani ngaloo ngxaki. Mchazele into ekucaphukisileyo uzolile nesizathu sokuba ikucaphukise. Sukumtyhola, kuba oko kuya kubangela ukuba azithethelele. Kunoko mchazele indlela okukwenze wavakalelwa ngayo oko akwenzileyo.